Lull in bed – How sexual displeasure can be treated

More and more women suffer from libido disorders, men withdraw and refuse. What can be the reason and what can you do about it? Whether seminars with a psychologist or substances that stimulate the pleasure center, there are many possible solutions.

Having sex is actually considered the most natural thing in the world – but it gives many people a headache: Many seem to no longer be able to do it the way they want or no longer want it, at least not as often as before. Every third woman and every fourth man in Germany is dissatisfied with their sex life, as various studies have shown.

Bedroom as a sex-free zone

47 percent of German couples only have sexual intercourse three times a month, almost half of all couples live “sex-free” for weeks, according to a survey by “Psychologie heute”. Sexual abstinence feeds many doubts: If it no longer crackles, if there is calm in bed, then the worm must be somewhere in the relationship.

Full sex life – important for relationships

For the vast majority of the population in Germany, a fulfilling sex life is important for a happy partnership. The “Institute for Sexuality and Health Freiburg” found this out in a representative survey. According to this, sex is just as important as having financial security, common interests and children.

Sexual aversion – a typical female phenomenon?

While many men complain that they would like to have more sex with their partner, more and more women complain that they have lost the desire to have sex. American researchers assume that every second woman between 18 and 59 has a sexual disorder that needs treatment. They call this disease “HSDD syndrome”: hypoactive sexual desire disorder, in English: lack of sexual desire. However, critics say that one can only speak of a sexual desire disorder if a woman suffers from the disorder and this affects the relationship – and warn against pathologizing female displeasure.

lull in bed

What matters is whether the women suffer from it

Most studies on sexual aversion do not take into account that the problem only becomes relevant if the woman is really under pressure, especially in the relationship. Realistically, other numbers will then come out. At the moment there is a large study from the United States that has made a very good distinction between the women who have a sexual problem and those who suffer from it. And the intersection for all age groups in this study was 12 percent. And then it’s about realistic.

Frustration instead of lust

Physical approach is often difficult to bear

Women between their mid-20s and mid-50s are particularly affected. The listlessness manifests itself primarily in the fact that women have little desire, that is, they do not want to approach their partner very much. These women often find it difficult to endure physical rapprochement when their partner approaches them; they also have fewer sexual fantasies. For some women it is an enormous burden when the man approaches them sexually. Not wanting when the partner wants is putting pressure on you. Especially since many women assure that they feel happy in the partnership. Only desire is gone, and that sometimes scratches self-esteem if a woman does not feel “sexually active” and “seductive”.

Lust Decrease With Age

Sexual aversion in women can have very different reasons

As you get older, the more likely you are to have less sexual desire. But physical or mental illnesses can also contribute. For example, sexual aversion can also occur in the context of a depressive illness or when difficulties arise in a partnership. Medicines can also block sexual desire. But there are also many couples who feel comfortable in partnership, who have been happy together for many years, but who have lost their sexual desire anyway.

Student Couple

The longer the relationship, the less sex

Most couples notice that the initial passion fades and sexual activity subsides – often after 2 to 4 years. The longer the relationship, the less sex. This is shown in his most recent study by the Hamburg neuroscientist Dietrich Klusmann, who asked 2000 student couples – between 19 and 32 years of age – about their sexual habits. After just one year, the couples had less frequent sexual intercourse than at the beginning; after 6 years, 40 percent of the men and 80 percent of the women had a marked increase in sexual listlessness.

Millions of years old reaction patterns control sexual behavior

Sex does not happen randomly and somehow, but takes place according to a reaction pattern that is millions of years old, which is stored in our genes and anchored in the brain. The fine interplay of hormones and nerve cells is controlled by evolutionary biology and has the goal of getting men and women to have sex so that offspring can arise. As soon as the offspring is secured, the urge for physical union subsides – automatically.

Burnout as a pleasure killer

When women are sexually blocked, it is rarely due to illness or age-related causes, but rather to certain stages of life and living conditions: This is the multitasking of modern women, she has her job, she has to be successful, she still has children to look after, she has a partner, then there are still sick parents in the house who need to be looked after, and this multitasking overwhelms them today, so that one can say: Usually a burnout situation is the basis of listlessness.

Even stressed men often fall into sexual apathy

Men are also not immune from falling into sexual apathy: for example, when they are challenged at work and want to perform high-performance sexual maneuvers. Then often nothing works. If men don’t feel like it, they can hide emotional upsets, illnesses, potency problems – or even low self-esteem, say experts.

Men often flee into virtual “reality”

Society is flooded with sexual stimuli, sex is constantly present in the media – just not in one’s own life. According to the opinion of experts, younger men in particular, who spend a lot of time on the Internet, would react unsettled. The young men cannot cope with the reality of how sexuality takes place in a partnership. Often, young men are afraid of attachment. Fear leads to withdrawal: According to the news magazine “Focus”, every fifth man in Germany is afraid of not meeting the sexual demands of their partner. As a way out, young men in particular seek sexual satisfaction at the click of a mouse.

It is true that young men report that they almost exclusively live their sexuality on the Internet. They are then so in their own world that it is difficult for them to find a partner. Or if they have a partner, they find it difficult to live sexuality with this woman and experience it as satisfying. Men report that they no longer have any sensations during sexual intercourse, can no longer feel them properly.